Today, we are each thinking about a friend, who died two years, ago. I mention his name, and her eyes fill with tears.
It is odd, but I do not cry. I feel strangely numb, from all of the previous losses, in the past two years. Some that are still in process, leaving me in a state of limbo. I feel like I am walking in ankle-deep sand. Each day I go about things, but I move slowly. I long for the days, when even death did not slow my pace.
I continue to listen to the pretty red-haired lady. She is in so much pain.~ Why am I just standing there? Finally, her tears jar me loose, from my frozen position. I understand so much of what she is feeling. I really do!
I move slowly, around her desk. We each speak a few words.~ Again, it is her tears, and the incredible sadness in her crystal blue eyes, that touch me, at a Soul level . I put my arms around her. I am much taller. Yet, she returns my hug, as she pushes herself upward on her tiptoes. We hold on to each other, tightly, as to not be pulled under, by the relentless current of grief. Then, we each step back, as she thanks me for the hug. I thank her, too.
The tears in her eyes, are still evident, reminding me of tiny shards of blue crystal , in the office lighting.~ Beautiful, yet, incredibly painful .
We say goodbye, as I turn to walk away.
I think to myself...it is better that she can cry.~ My tears will remain frozen...until it is `safe' for me to cry, again...
Alicia O'Hara c.
13 November, 2011
~ Posted on 5 April, 2016